riicchan ([info]riicchan) wrote,
@ 2006-12-12 17:13:00
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Current mood: chipper
Current music:El Manana - Gorillaz

Ho ho ho, and stuff
Nothing much to say here... just that the lj was getting a wee bit empty.  =)


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Fanfiction
(Anonymous)
2007-01-25 12:21 pm UTC (link)
Ok, I'm posting my review here because I don't seem to be able to make ff.net display my reviews.



Bubbletoes

I seriously love this story to piecies. This is exactly how I envision this pairing.

There are a few typos which might be worth fixing.

//Instantly, Light was a bit disturbed, and would have gotten out of his chair in suprise had the chain not existed to link them together.//
Instantly, Light was a bit disturbed, and would have gotten out of his chair in *surprise* had the chain not existed to link them together.

//"From your exersize schedule every morning, and your previous training in sports, not to mention your current, clothed appearance," L explained//
"From your *exercise* schedule every morning, and your previous training in sports, not to mention your current, clothed appearance," L explained

//"Pure curiousity," he replied, finally.//
"Pure *curiosity*," he replied, finally.

//"Candy fufills my sexual urges," L replied candidly.//
"Candy *fulfills* my sexual urges," L replied candidly.

//Light said, a bit skepically.//
Light said, a bit *skeptically*

//I'm much more preoccupied with my cases than with sexually fufilling myself.//
I'm much more preoccupied with my cases than with sexually *fulfilling* myself.

//"No," L replied, and Light breathed a subconcious sigh of relief.//
"No," L replied, and Light breathed a *subconscious* sigh of relief.

//"There's always something I like about my toes, perhaps that's why I subconciously play with them all the time..."//
"There's always something I like about my toes, perhaps that's why I *subconsciously* play with them all the time..."


I think a spellcheck would find most if not all of those.


Secondly, a minor question. Is this story called 'Bubbletoes' or 'Bubblytoes'? As I said, a minor question.

And while I'm busy nitpicking I want to call to your attention the way you have senseless breaks in your paragraphs. It's jarring.


But all in all a fabulous story.

-Indigo


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